In these modern times it is hard to stay connected to what really matters. To stay balanced. To find your place, your stability. We are assaulted with information. Overstimulated by external demands telling us who to be, how to be, what to want, who to want, what to expect of ourselves and others. And the expectations shift every moment. We’re kept on our toes. Backpedaling. If we don’t realize what is going on we never step out of the way of the freight train of stimulus tha

“I just want to fuckin die.” Coming from the mouth of a 12-year old, this is a devastating thing to hear. It is something that we might expect from someone a little older. Perhaps someone that had had the chance to live, to know more about the struggles, pitfalls, devastations that can come with life. I’ve spent the last 15 years working with teens and young adults as a mentor, teacher, ally. Over the years this has grown into Tending the Fires, an organization I created to h

Ceremony is embedded in our bones. It is an integral part of our human inheritance. It has been woven through our DNA for thousands of years. And yet, it is lost in the culture that we currently live in. Of course, we have ceremonies: graduation ceremonies, weddings, celebrations of birth, life passages, and death. But the ceremonies that we have in our current way of life are secularized and stripped of their sacred essence. When we step into ceremonial spaces, it evoke

Have you ever felt like the world is collapsing around you? Like nothing you do can stop the onslaught of fear, sorrow, or desperation that floods your mind and your body? Have you ever been laid so low that you thought you would never recover? Of course you have. We have all shared moments of our lives that were devastating. The end of a relationship. The death of a loved one. The end of a career or life-long dream. A diagnosis of a serious health problem. A long-ter

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." - Meister Eckhart Our culture is a taking culture. It is based on the premise that if we can do something, we should. When we look at the world around us through "Western" eyes, we see an endless stream of resources, possessions, things. We base our social status and ideas of success on how many things we can accumulate, and how many people notice. For hundreds of years we have been gui

The last week has been tinged with the sorrow, outrage, and hatred that masks itself as self-righteous indignation over the horrific attacks in Paris. It has come up with a few of my clients. It alternates between a slow-burning seething pain and a flaring, almost overwhelming rage. Why the violence? Why do so many people feel justified in taking the lives of innocents in the name of their ideology, as a response to their wounding? Why do we stand by while this happens?

I work with a lot of young people. For twelve years I have spent a lot of time being a mentor, advisor, confidante, and guide to countless teenagers and young adults. And I love the work that I do. Especially because it isn’t work to me, it is a natural extension of who I am to be the support for those around me, especially the younger ones that are hungering for some genuine connection. The other day I was working with a young woman. She’s a beautiful girl, in her early

Sometimes the road ahead of us gets dark. The dreams we had of what life would be when we were young start to dim, and we come face to face with the reality that we are human beings. This can come as a shock. For most people it does. I remember being younger and thinking that the sky is the limit in the possibilities for my life. I thought that I could and would accomplish anything. After a period of descent, where I collapsed into a deep depression and brought the world

There is an inherent speed to things. We see it when we observe the rhythms of the natural world. When we step into a meadow and see the breeze moving through the trees, stirring the grass, we get a glimpse of it. When we have the privilege of standing on a precipice, like the Grand Canyon, and look down into the immensity of what the Earth has created, a deep silence stirs within. How long did it take for these natural masterpieces to form? Angeles Arrien says that the r

Sometimes the right thing is letting go. There are times in our lives when the illusions we have created of how it all should be no longer serve us. They are patterned ideas of who we should be, where we should be, whom we should share our lives with. But the course of life has different plans for us. When we are confronted with these crossroads it is easy to fall into the trap of holding on. We feel the need to maintain the image we have created of what life should be at

The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds. - Dalai Lama Have you ever had the world pulled out from under you? One of those experiences where your idea of what your life would be suddenly comes crashing down? It can be an unexpected illness, the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a job. It can be something more subtle, like waki

One of the things that I’ve noticed over the course of my work is that men are afraid of stepping out of conventional ideas of strength and into the fire of their own wounds. It is a bit ironic, actually. To do deep psychological and spiritual work takes a lot of courage. Definitely much more courage than pretending that nothing fazes you. But our social structure has for generations taught men that the only appropriate outward display of emotion is anger, if even that. I

The exercise at the end of last week's post is a Shadow exercise. If you didn't get a chance to do it before, I strongly recommend that you take some time to do it before reading on. You see these people the way that you do because they are holding projections of who you are at your deepest core. The people that you admire are the embodiment of what you know you can become. They are the ones that appear to embody your highest standards for yourself. At times these standard

There are a few different layers to projection (If you missed last week's intro on projection, read it here). We are complicit in all of them, until we get to the 4th. This is when we have to choose to accept that our projection is a shadow issue of ours, or we move on and start it all over again with someone else. Here are the five stages: 1. Stage 1 – I meet somebody that I am emotionally connected to. It can be a lover, boss, family member, neighbor, etc. I see in

Have you ever experienced something like this? Luis started dating Jennifer a few days ago. He really liked her. He was excited about the relationship and where it would lead. He was a little nervous, because she had all of the qualities that he wanted in a woman. She was athletic, intelligent, funny, and gorgeous. He expressed to me that he didn’t know how he had been so lucky. One day, Luis and Jennifer were scheduled to meet for lunch. Luis showed up at the restauran

It is difficult letting go of relationships. Sometimes we realize that the path we have shared with someone no longer serves us, or the person we are with. There are times when there is still love and mutual respect between people, but their purpose in life, their desire for growth and emotional connection are just not met. I think these are the most difficult separations. In our society there is a belief that things need to be drastically wrong in a relationship for two p